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get well soon

by worlds greatest dad

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1.
i watched you paint flowers on his arms and felt it as the ink sank down to his heart i’ll just sit on the sidelines, remember a time when you were all mine i’ll just water my own now, i’ll watch them bloom from my own grounds 'cause i’ve been trying to be a better person not take shit out on the people that don’t deserve it but it’s hard when you’re handing me ammunition it’s hard when you’re making my head spin and i’ll fall back into my little cycles but i’ll keep pushing forward all on my own
2.
i’m trying to learn the difference between love and codependence and why it makes my insides ache and i can’t tell if you’re something i need or the feeling that i should shake i need to start being honest with myself and how i feel maybe if i tell myself that i’m doing fine you would stick around and wouldn’t mind me feeling so low i’m trying to stop focusing on the bad parts of my head because i know how it feels to be on the receiving end of it i need to start taking care of myself and how i feel maybe if i tell myself that i’m doing fine you would stick around and wouldn’t mind me feeling so low it gets so fucking old and i’m getting too old i’m bitter now, but one day i won’t be i’ll be sitting at a party, laughing while you’re smiling it’s all… and i’m angry now but one day i won’t be i’ll be holding your hand, swearing i’m happy i’m happy, i’m happy, i’m happy, i’m home.
3.
cough 02:47
i’m looking at pictures of places that i’ll never be and i’m waiting, trying to do it patiently maybe you won’t notice i need you to help me breathe maybe you won’t notice i need you more than you need me sorry i’m so lazy, i’ve felt like i’m asleep for weeks thought i was changing, it seems too far out of reach and i’ve had a cough for five years it won’t leave my lungs alone i’ve been tired for five years trying to make up for the home that you stole that you stole back. yeah i’m waiting, trying to do it patiently trying to do it patiently tired of being patient sorry i’m so lazy, i’ve felt like i’m asleep for weeks thought i was changing, it seems too far out of reach sorry i’m so lazy, so sorry i’ve been lazy i’ve had a cough for five years it won’t leave my lungs alone.
4.
asshole song 03:09
if i was closer to you i would stay in your dark room i would beg you to lay in bed with me all day if i was closer to you i would take you to the movies hold your hand and tell you sweet things, call you baby and if i wasn’t such an asshole, i would answer all your phone calls i’d reply to all your letters and tell you how much you really mean but baby i’m mean unless i’m drunk you said i’m only nice when i’m drunk, and i’m not drunk often enough and if i hadn’t left you i’d probably still hate the sunset i’d hate watching you get dressed and ready in the morning for school and if i hadn’t left you i’d probably still hate me for thinking someone like you could break me and make me feel full but baby i’m mean unless i’m drunk you said i’m only nice when i’m drunk, and i’m not drunk often enough oh baby i'm mean, unless i think that i’m dying i think that i’m dying all of the time i think that i’ll call and fuck it all and if i wasn’t such an asshole i would make good conversation i would ask you how your day went like i gave a fuck about it if i wasn’t such an asshole i would answer all your phone calls i’d reply to all your letters and tell you how much you really mean but you don’t and baby i’m mean, unless i think that i’m dying i think that i’m dying all of the time i think that i’ll call and fuck it all.
5.
ciggies 01:04
i know i should quit smoking cigarettes but i need something to remind me of when i felt good i’m driving past where Andrew cracked his head on the concrete i guess he drank a little more than he should and we were carrying each others bodies and we just needed to love somebody i’ll keep carrying my brothers’ bodies if they keep dying all around me but i’m not listening anymore
6.
if i didn’t have a dog i’d probably blow out my brains yeah the lady on the radio is driving me insane but i can’t help but think of how scared i would be if i didn’t have somebody constantly comforting me and i know it’s not healthy never being alone no it’s not healthy that i’m staring at my phone while you’re talking to me been thinking maybe i should leave cause nobody this depressed could ever make you feel happy and goddamn i’m almost 25 i thought i’d feel a little better a quarter through my life spent the last ten minutes washing puke down the drain cause i get so nervous that my stomach starts to shake and i know my diet doesn’t help i know i do this to myself catching the left half up to the right side of my brain practicing balancing acts that my body just can’t take they say positive thinking just might help i’ll let you know if i can think my way out of hell and goddamn i’ll be 35 sleeping in somebody's basement the rest of my life just get over it, i should just get over it if i didn’t have a dog i’d probably blow out my brains yeah the lady on the radio is driving me insane and it’s not healthy never being alone no it’s not healthy that i’m staring at my phone spent the last ten minutes washing puke down the drain 'cause i get so nervous that my stomach starts to shake i get so nervous that my stomach starts to shake
7.
fireworks 02:40
watching fireworks on the front lawn humming melodies to all my loved ones lost i didn’t know it then, you put the gun to your head and i could feel the heat roll off of my cheeks while they burst and bloom like all of the voices in crowded rooms made me so nervous i couldn’t speak Well Ill just stare down at my feet for years and years, and years I don’t know you like I used to We haven’t talked much since your big move out I bet I’d be so proud, to look at you now And I could feel the steam roll off of my teeth All those sleepless nights out on the roof of your parents I could’ve sworn that I’d see you soon Could’ve sworn we were staring at the same moon that night And I can feel the heat roll off of my cheeks While they burst and bloom like all of the voices in crowded rooms Made me so nervous I couldn’t speak I’ll just stare down at my feet for years and years, and years, god.
8.
dad jeans 03:28
get my god complex from my father nobody likes him especially my mother i know that is the reason why he spends his life picking such petty fights and i know that i take after that’s why i don’t understand your laughter i’ll try to write it off like i’m a realist but it’s truly optimism that i miss and i miss i wanna wear my suntan like warpaint when i was a kid hanging out on the weekends i wanna feel good and love all of my friends but i’m hiding out in isolation again and again and again and i fear that i’m just too tired whole world feels like it’s on fire and i’m going down without a fight a slave to time and all it’s poisons and all its plight 'cause there is no running away now and i’m stuck singing to the same crowd try to tell myself i feel just fine but what i really need is a little time, a little time, a little i wanna wear my suntan like warpaint when i was a kid hanging out on the weekends i wanna feel good and love all of my friends but i’m hiding out in isolation again and again and again
9.
motions 03:52
when fall hits i’ll shed my leaves and everybody will see my bones are barely carrying me i know we don’t talk the way we used to i think it has a lot to do with me getting used to you and all the motions of everything i wanna feel emotions the way i did when it was “fuck everything, i’m 17.” oh, oh, i found another bad side of myself so i’ll wrestle it back down to hell and oh, oh, i know it’s not polite to say how i feel so i’ll bite my tongue and walk it off and i’ll repeat whatever mantras i need to stay alive, try to make something of all the motions of you and me i wanna be the ocean and make you think fuck everything you’re 17 and oh, oh, i found another bad side of myself so i’ll wrestle it back down to hell and oh, oh, i know it’s not polite to say how i feel so i’ll bite my tongue and walk it off and i could lay here for the rest of my life alone on this couch, but would it be right would i feel right? and oh, oh, i found another bad side of myself so i’ll wrestle it back down to hell and oh, oh, i know it’s not polite to say how i feel so i’ll bite my tongue and walk it off oh, i’ll bite my tongue and walk it off
10.
my psychiatrist thinks i should try healthy living but i just wanna sleep all day, no i don’t wanna do anything and i’ve been trying to find some words to rely on but man, i’m just falling down pressing my face into the ground and i’ll say it one time, laughing at my face say it two times i’m punching my way out i’m trying to find my way back to where i started when i had more fun and a couple good friends ah, shit. stop taking my pills start self medicating i know it’s not good advice, you can’t stay high all the time i’ve gotta be the bigger person even though i hate it so now i’m just turning cheeks, you’re making me grind my teeth and i’m working on coming to terms with myself (i promise) but i do it in a way that’s sort of violent and i know that doesn’t help, oh god please someone help, anybody help i’m singing “da da da da da da da da da da”
11.
i fucked it all up in my head should’ve cleaned myself up but i think i might be better off dead i might be better off sitting alone at a stoplight, put out my cigarette in an overflowing ashtray while trash is piling up in my passenger seat, i don’t think i want anybody sitting next to me and how am i supposed to make you proud when i don’t care about anything oh, how am i supposed to make you proud? i’ve been messing up everything i fucked it all up in my head should’ve cleaned myself up but i think i might be better off dead rather than fucking you up in the head i know i’m no good but i’m trying really hard to pretend trying hard to sink in, trying hard to fit, trying hard to make sense of how i feel, what it means, what i could do to make anyone want to stay with me 'cause it gets hard when i’ve been trying to please just myself for the past ten years i didn’t care what they thought of me and how does one make themselves proud when they don’t care about anything oh, how do i make myself proud when i’ve been messing up everything i fucked it all up in my head should’ve cleaned myself up but i think i might be better off dead i might be better off dead.
12.
liminal space, you tie around my waist saying if i really want to change i’ll get up, get up and leave this place but i’m not trying to solve all my problems just want you to know that i’ve got em so we can relate i’ve been feeling so miserable these days i’ve got a one way ticket and there’s no train infinite eights carve around my days saying if i really want to stay i’ll grow up, grow up and change my ways but i’m not trying to solve all my problems i just want you to know that i’ve got em and i’m not trying to solve all our problems just want you to know that we got em yeah we’re the same i know you’ve felt so fucking alone these days you’ve got a one way ticket and there’s no you’ve got a one way ticket and there’s no i’m not trying to solve all our problems i just want you to know that we’ve got em and i’m not trying to solve all our problems i just want you to know that we’re fucked.

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released May 11, 2018

all songs written by worlds greatest dad and perfected
by ben etter
produced/engineered/mixed by ben etter at maze studios
mastered by john naclerio at nada recording

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worlds greatest dad Atlanta, Georgia

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